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Porsche Club of America
The Northeast Region

By Steve Boris
NOR'EASTER Online - August 2002

What is reality? What is fantasy? Do we as Porsche owners live in reality or fantasy? Do you know? I do! Are we in a universe that is really a marble in some big alien's marble bag (I don't think so), maybe there is a Matrix and we're lying in a futuristic bathtub, up to our eyeballs in weird goop, living a computer decided life. If so, don't unplug me just hit the Shift 4 key a few times. Those of you who think this is reality are seriously delusional.

Earlier this year after the motor went in the turbo I was feeling depressed about my impending dilemma. I had that "Wo, wo is me!" attitude. Then one Saturday morning I got a big dose of reality.

I was on my way to the shop to work on taking the motor apart to get to Circle Performance. For some reason I was particularly depressed because of having to spend too much time and money in the next couple of months. Why didn't I take up skydiving? At least then if something breaks I won't have to worry about it for very long. Well, anywise, as usual I stopped off at McDonald's for my tradition Bacon, Egg & Cheese Bagel and Diet Coke (the breakfast of losers). As I stand there the young woman behind the counter took my order and my money. She wasn't particularly attractive and her uniform fit some of her tightly and some of her loosely (not necessarily the way it should). Clearly this person did not have a lot going for her but when she handed me my order she had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. This girl was happy as a clam to be working at McDonald's. This kind of made my problems seem pretty insignificant; I'd rather she just whacked me upside the head with a spatula. It wouldn't have hurt as much. Needless to say I wasn't as miserable for the rest of the day.

Anyway, back to my original question, do we live in a reality or a fantasy? Me! I live in a fantasy world and I wouldn't have it any other way. At least if I fall out of the fantasy world I'll land in reality. Where do the people in reality land when they fall?

Now let's talk about addictions. Porsche addictions to be exact. Are you addicted? The first step to recovery is admitting it. I am! Truly! I have always known that I was an addictive person and fortunately so. This is why I never started smoking, drinking, drugs or anything, because I knew I wasn't strong enough to control it. Did I expect to get addicted to Porsches? No, not really. Ask Rob Stoesser if he thought I would get this deep into it. Spending what ever I had to get the thrill. When I first joined the club I was just a mild mannered, genius behind the wheel with a couple of bucks in the bank. Now look at me, I'm a broke, mad man.

The problem is there is no place we can go to get over this addiction. Sure there are plenty of places to go to get a quick fix. Race tracks, driving schools, car museums, and a gazillion other places including every stop light in downtown America. But no place where they sit you down and show you films of people walking, bicycling or sitting in the park. Perhaps they put you and your car in separate rooms divided only by a glass wall. You can't touch it; you can't wash it, nothing for hours on end. Besides, would that even cure us or would the anticipation only make it worse. Absence makes the heart grow faster, isn't that how it goes?

This all became apparent when for the first time in over a year actually I have a car at home that runs. It's not street legal but that doesn't matter. It's up on jack stands so I can crawl underneath and check things out, clean things off, tweek this, tighten that, or maybe just look at. I had a lack of brakes problem throughout the Glen Race weekend that I believe is fixed, which's why it's up on the jackstands.

The other night I was feeling a bit quiet, nothing in particular had to be done so I just went out and sat in the car. No sounds, I didn't even say anything aloud, just me, the car and what ever I was thinking at the time and it probably wasn't very much. I sat there motionless with my hands on the wheel for about 30 minutes. I wasn't visualizing any track, no particular corner, nothing. I was just sat in a seat that I have been comfortable in many times. Kind of like the sneakers you should have thrown away 3 years ago but you keep them just the same (in a sealed plastic bag).

Now if that isn't addiction, what is? I was just sitting there smelling the car, feeling the car, getting my fix.

Is there a cure? Should there be a cure? I guess not! But if there was do you think it would be at the Betty Ford Clinic?

Lastly, for those of you who aren't aware of the Club Racing calendar, this is the first year that the PCA will hold a club race at Virginia International Raceway (VIR). This is a big deal. What a great track and facility for such a race. But wait there's more. VIR is only a couple of years old and already highly regarded by the amateur and professional drivers alike. The problem was that all the weekends were already booked. Where can they fit a PCA race? Well the answer ended up being the VIR 500. The PCA Club race will be the warm-up race to the 5-hour Grand Am/Rolex series race. PCA drivers will get to hang out with the fortunate few who do this for a living.

Of course there is a hitch. Only 120 drivers were to be picked, lottery style, on June 30th. That means 2, 60 car run groups is all that will be allowed. Many drivers didn't even try to register because they figured that they would be treated like second-class citizens and if the weather takes any track time away from anyone it will be us. So what! It's a great track; there will be great drivers there, great cars, 45,000 spectators, and the Speed Channel. Granted the Club Race won't be televised, but who cares.

Well, Monday morning after June 30th, we were all wondering if we got in. Since we mostly travel as Team Northeast, which includes Sean Houlihan, Andy Jenks, Steve Berry and myself, we all said that if only one of us got in we would not go. Only if 2 or more got in. Guess what, all 4 got in, how sweet is that? The Team is headed for VIR to hang out with the big boys. Don't be surprised if you see a few of us driving for Dick Barbour next year.

The fact that we're going to be racing in front of 45,000 screaming fans (that includes screaming chicks too) leads me to think I may be able to parlay this into some sponsorship money. You never know, there may be that business that wants to advertise on the back end of a big spider. But who? Not the local car wash (that's been done), not any charities (that usually cost the driver money), not the local pizza place or your accountant. Ideally I would want a business that made a connection with the graphics like Sid's Exterminator and Bug Smasher, Inc. That way I could use the tag line, "we make spiders run faster". How cool would that be?

Oh well, I'll keep thinking, but don't be afraid to email me with your ideas. Any interested sponsors would only be required to keep me in tire money for a while.

We'll see, but until then my Driver's window is always open.

The Vent Window
Bolt-on! How many of you have purchased anything that was...Bolt-on? Was it? I doubt it. That term is just a truthful as "Direct Replacement", "Only hand tools required", "Of Equal Quality". Ya-ya sure, ah-ha, OK, all righty then! What constitutes Bolt-on? I think it means that it can be bolted onto the car, just not necessarily in the right place.

I recently went the route of adding mega-cooling to my front brakes. I purchased the Cool-Brake kit, which consist of 2 fiberglass scoops (that directly replace the factory scoops), 2 fiberglass ducts (that direct the air directly into the center of the rotor, and 2 long hoses to connect the two. This supposedly is a quick job. Not so! It required several passes with the Dremel tool for the ducts to clear the rotors so they wouldn't scrape. The scoops weren't as bad but the whole job took a good couple of hours. Not too bad, but not Bolt-on.

Another fix I am working on is a torn CV boot that spewed grease onto the underside of my car in a very interesting pattern. I contacted a non-factory parts house and ordered 2 of the best non-factory, direct replacement CV boots. ". Ya-ya sure, ah-ha, OK, all righty then! These were different from the factory boots in that the large end was permanently attached to the flange. The factory boot clamps on. When they arrived, both boots were torn out of the flange about halfway. Junk! Needless to say I was not a happy camper.

Buy factory parts! They are the only Direct Replacement.

A couple years ago as Sean and I were getting our cars ready for our first season of racing, he decided to go the light fiberglass body route. All Bolt-on pieces. ". Ya-ya sure, ah-ha, OK, all righty then! The fenders and hood weren't too bad but you should have seen the doors. The window frame stuck out like wings. When the manufacturer was consulted, the fix was to mount the doors, heat them up to heaven knows how hot and bend them into shape. Bolt-on!

How about the aluminum, direct replacement torque tube that required Sean to take a sledge hammer to the underneath rear seat buckets to get it in. Not to mention rerouting all the brake and fuel lines. Bolt-on!

Why don't these companies just tell you that you're on your own. No guarantees.

Next time you buy a Bolt-on part ask them if it will bolt-on to the place you want it to. You may have to buy an adaptor of some sort for that.

As you can tell I'm a bit leery of the claim Bolt-on. But I must say that this year when the motor blew I had to cut my future spending on a custom cage and I purchased a Safety Deviced Bolt-in cage. I was amazed how easy this cage went in and lined up. If I knew how to weld I would have had it installed in about 4 hours. Ask anyone who has installed a bolt-in cage and they will tell you it's a couple of days worth of work.

Well I guess it's time to close the Vent Window for another month. Whew!

Porsche Club of America The Northeast Region

Porsche Club of America
The Northeast Region