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Porsche Club of America
The Northeast Region

Upshifting

By Bruce Hauben, Bruce993@PorscheNet.com
NOR'EASTER Online - April 2005
Northeast Region Logo
  •  I just returned from my second round trip planning out this years Ramble route, this time with Joyce aboard to facilitate matters, leaving one last trip to make in early April. While I was hoping to get the first one or two trips done last fall before the snow fell – it makes it far easier to figure out that a road is dirt when it is not snow covered – a new house got in the way of those plans and I’ve been forced to begin my route planning this March. Fortunately, very fortunately, while there has been significant snow on the ground most of the roads, even the back roads that I hunt out, have been clear of snow and ice.

    •    
    Usually these planning trips are done in the winter and honestly, the geography is far more interesting with the snow and cold than in the spring. Many of the back roads run alongside streams and rivers and the snow and ice on rocks and giant slabs of ice surrounded by rushing water is very pretty. And the countryside is a pristine white, not our drab brown and grey of New England before things turn green. While there may be a heavy snow covering, these northern states know how to keep their roads clear.
    I’ve often thought about running a winter Ramble. Sure, leave your Porsche home if it’s a warm weather driver and use your winter wheels. Maybe a winter Ramble could be turned into a ski weekend and those non-skiers could certainly enjoy the hot tub, spa and cocktail lounge. Let me know if you like the idea.
      
    It’s always been interesting to me comparing the roads in different states, and I’m talking about secondary roads, not Rtes. 495, 90, 2 or 128. Even our major roads in MA are often in deplorable condition, but as compared with MA secondary roads they’re wonderful. Having planned Rambles in VT, NH, & ME and as every destination requires using MA roads; I feel I’ve had some extensive exposure to road conditions and am qualified to offer some comments.
      
    MA undoubtedly was the worst roads of the 4 states. While not as many are dirt as in VT and NH, even the asphalt paved roads are in deplorable condition. In fact, many of the dirt roads in VT and NH are in a far more drivable condition than MA paved roads. However there are too many Ramble drivers who would cringe and shudder at taking their Porsches onto dirt roads so that is one of my few hard and fast rules – no dirt roads.
       
    From the bottom up, then come NH roads followed by VT and finally ME with the best roads of the four.  NH need not feel slighted here, as compared with MA, their roads are beautiful. I don’t know how VT and ME do it because they certainly have much harder winters than we do here in MA, but they must have the know how, and desire to throw more money at their roads, because they’re far superior to ours down here.
       
    Finally we get to NY. This is the first year that I’ve been involved with NY roads and at the risk of “gushing”, they are fabulous. Now my exposure has of course been limited to the small area of NY we’re involved with, but in laying out more than 150 miles of back roads for April’s Ramble I only had to double back twice due to a paved road turning to dirt. In fact, one other time I doubled back when a road became a bit rough and bumpy, one that would have been entirely normal in MA or NH, but I’d become so spoiled, accustomed to ‘high speed’, smooth, well paved secondary roads in NY that I didn’t want to spoil the driving experience for everyone else.
       
    This is farm country that our route to The Sagamore winds through, with great mountain views and very, very few other cars on the roads. Absolutely great Porsche roads, winding and hilly, and roads that you can let your engines and suspensions enjoy themselves. We were pressed for time and had to get back home in a timely manner and I was debating about taking the time to lay out a return route, finally deciding that even though only a small percentage of you take the back roads home (most opting for the interstates instead) I would not be living up to my responsibilities if I neglected you.
       
    I’m very glad now that I took that time to lay out a return route because about half of it is on these great Porsche roads in upper NY State. And the other half is Rte. 2 in MA, the western portion of which we’d never driven…nothing really to bring us out there. That road is also interesting, great mountain views, little traffic, and ample places to pass slower vehicles. I’ll provide more details at our drivers’ meeting on April 30, I’m hoping many of you will elect to take the back roads home. I’m even looking forward to the last planning run so we can drive those roads again and hopefully the 993 will be ready for that run.
       
    Two days after you return home from the Ramble is NER’s first DE track event of the season. Hopefully you’ve been watching the NER calendar and reading the NOR’EASTER and are making plans to join us on May 3 & 4 at NHIS in Loudon, NH. The track is less than 90 minutes from the Boston burbs and for those who’ve not been there previously, is not what you’d imagine a NASCAR oval to be like.
      
    Yes, we utilize most of the main straight but the majority of the 1.6 mile road coarse runs across both north and south infields and then up the hill behind the track. There are wonderful hairpins, a nicely banked bowl and in general a fun, challenging road coarse. The paddock is entirely paved so we’re never fighting with mud (read Lime Rock here) and the restaurant serves hot foods and soups for lunch.
       
    For several years we’ve been relegated to a single two day event at NHIS in September and have at last gotten this second date in May to begin our season close to home. There are many motels in the area if you prefer not to make the extra round trip home and back on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and good restaurants in and around Concord.
       
    Don’t let our long, hard winter fool you, and don’t be left out by waiting too long to sign up for this event. The SNOW WILL MELT and you will want to enjoy our beautiful New England Spring at our first track event of the year. And then, don’t forget our first of two LCMT track events on May 26 & 27. I’m always available for any questions at bmh993@porschenet.com.

    Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
     

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

    Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

    Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

    He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

    She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. 
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