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Porsche Club of America
The Northeast Region

Upshifting

By Bruce Hauben, Bruce993@PorscheNet.com
NOR'EASTER Online - May 2005
Northeast Region Logo
 Our May LCMT event on Thursday and Friday, May 26, 27 still has some space left in all run groups. Le Circuit Mont Tremblant is a road course not to be missed by either the novice or experienced driver. Several years ago the track was totally renovated, repaved, widened and runoffs were extended. Corroborating these improvements, after hosting races for more than 40 years, the track record was recently re-set in 2002 by Didier Theys.
   
Some of you may have some concerns about crossing the border, which in general are unfounded. Forget about articles you may have read that will require a passport to cross between CA and the US. Sure, that may be reality in a few years but right now your driver’s license is sufficient. Of course, if you already have a passport it never hurts to have it along with you.  Your automobile insurance company can provide the necessary cards which attest to the fact that your street vehicles are indeed properly insured. In all my years of crossing the border 3-4 times a season I’ve never been asked for these cards but it is a good safety factor to have them along.
   
For those of you towing, DO NOT fall into the line marked “Trucks” as that may take you several hours to get across. “Trucks” are meant to be “commercial haulers” and we cross with the regular passenger vehicles, a breeze. Bottom line, PLEASE don’t be intimidated by crossing the border and don’t allow any misguided concerns about doing so prevent you from enjoying a world class track in a wonderful setting.
   
Mont Tremblant is a major year round resort with wonderful restaurants and shops only steps away from your hotel. A great place to bring the entire family or get away for a few days with your significant other. And remember that your US dollar goes about 25% farther in Canada. For those of you wanting additional days at LCMT our friends in the Rennsport Region have a 3 day event immediately preceding ours.
  
Now, for the piece de resistance……..our July 14-15, 2005 event (Thursday-Friday) is smack dab in the middle of a great Blues Festival held in many outdoor venues and clubs right in the village. The best part of it after the great music is that it’s FREE. Joyce and I will stay for the weekend to enjoy the music and maybe continue our Canadian trip with some more track driving the following Monday thru Wednesday with Rennsport again.
    
Click and Clack, the Car Talk guys have been running a survey for several months on their web site asking for votes on “the ugliest vehicle” sold in the US. Well, the votes are in, the polls are closed and as a public service to all car aficionados I’ve given you the results here with some representative comments from voters, beginning with the tenth ugliest vehicle on down to the most ugly of all. Remember that these are not my personal choices though I do agree with the majority of the ten. For those of you who love your new 5 series BMW, don’t put nails in my driveway, I’m merely the messenger.

10. BMW 5 Series
"With the granny glasses headlights and awkward body creases, it looks like a Pontiac on acid."
“Did they steal this design from Volkswagen? I know they're trying to add curves to the classic lines, but they've gone too Far-fegnugen.”

9. Chrysler 300
"Did Chrysler have the head of a cow in mind when designing this car?"
“News Flash: Chrysler teams up with Norelco to produce first luxury car with floating heads!”
“Who knew so many bluehairs were wannabe pimps? “

8. Dodge Magnum
"The Welsh Corgi of the car world — wishes to be a big dog, but too short to the ground."
“Daimler-Chrysler, I beg of you to put a lock on the liquor cabinet in the Engineer's break room.”
“Absolutely Freudian. Give the man a huge cigar!”

7. Chevy Avalanche
"Adorned with more plastic than Anna Nicole Smith."
“Chevrolet teams up with Tupperware to design their latest truck!”
“Notice how angry its headlights look? Did it see itself in the mirror on the way out of the factory?”

6. Subaru Baja
"Looks more at home in Prague." 
“Who designed this? The Beach Boys and The Beverly Hillbillies?”
“Should be a warning for all scientists working on genetic engineering. This is the kind of thing that can result, if you're not careful.”

5. Chrysler PT Cruiser
"So ugly, I get mad just looking at it." 
“Looks like something The Joker would be driving in a Batman movie." 
“Looks like it belongs in a cartoon. What does the "PT" stand for, Puddy Tat?”

4. Honda Element
"A rollover would improve its looks!" 
“If you put a trunk in the front, you could call it the Honda Elephant.”
“Nice box. Where's the car that came in it? “
“A toaster on wheels! It is so ugly that it makes the Aztek look attractive.”

3. Hummer H2
"The automotive equivalent of Aunt Bertha."
“Stands for "hideous, squared."
“Proves yet again that money can't buy you looks.”

2. Toyota Scion xB
"Its appearance should serve as an innovative but effective first line of defense against car theft.”
 "The cleaning lady took the plans out of the trash as a joke — and nobody noticed."
“Is it full of clowns when you buy it?”
“Takes the cube to new levels of ugliness. “ 

And a drum roll please for THE ugliest vehicle in the US market.

1. Pontiac Aztec
"It looks like it went into the crusher before the showroom!"
"It looks the way Montezuma's revenge feel." 
"Was Pontiac taken over by a high school shop class?" 

Some quotes from Steven Wright, a commentator on today’s world!

 
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

 OK, so what's the speed of dark?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder."

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

 The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

 The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

 Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
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