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The word simple has a lot of appeal in this day and age. Is it just me or are things getting so complicated that many tasks are never started. Maybe that's why so many retired folks get into gardening. Move a little dirt, pull a few weeds and immediate results. It doesn't require a degree or pages of instruction and it's simple, anyone can do it. Working on a modern day car is not so simple. Many manufactures won't even allow service manuals to be printed. Even those manufacturers that do require so much in the way of electronic diagnostic equipment that a home shop couldn't begin most tasks. That is one of the many reasons that I have such a warm spot in my heart for the old 356. Now there is a simple car. There is so much that I can do myself without any expensive equipment. Take an oil change as an example. On the two modern cars in my garage changing the oil is an all day affair. They both have to be raised off the ground by a couple of feet so that the plastic under tray can be removed. The fasteners that are used are somewhat different, both German, but one BMW and one Audi. I guess that they can't use the same ones because that would make it too easy. The ones on the BMW come out easily but they fall on the floor. The Audi screws stay attached to the tray but are a bear to release. Can't we get these two designers talking over a schnapps or two? It has been suggested that considering my age and declining flexibility that I dig out the creeper I've kept all these years and proceed at a more leisurely pace. I know where the creeper is but it still has the 6" baby buggy wheels on the back that I installed for the PCA Creeper Autocross Series back in the '70's. There must be someone still alive that remembers that race series. It was held at our monthly meetings one winter at a Holiday Inn as I recall. I like to think that my entry that ran in modified was a winner but I really can't remember. And those old trophies (if there were any) went to the recycle center years ago. Back to the task at hand. Trays removed, filter located and on with the job. Both modern cars hold six or eight quarts of oil so that little tray that is so handy for the 356 is of no use here. It only holds a gallon. The drain plugs are on the side of the oil pans so that in addition to spitting out the oil parallel to the ground it also runs down the side of the pan. It's tough to guess on the gravitational effects on used oil because there are so many variables. Like how hot or cold is the oil, how high off the ground is the car, how fast can I scoot the pan on ground without missing that portion dripping straight down? The filters on modern cars have been designed to stick off the side of the engine at a strange angle so that when removed old oil will run down the side of the block. Are there no concours people that work in the design area? The 356 is so easy to work on that I can drain the oil wearing good clothes during a commercial on the six o'clock news. I just push the car up on a board so that I can reach up under the engine with wrench in hand. I think that if the car had stock tires instead of 50 series track tires I wouldn't have to even use a board. The 17 mm drain plug is right dead center in the engine and points straight down. What a design. Pull the plug with the pan directly under it and walk away. The filter is in a can up in the engine compartment that is easily accessible. It's almost like they were trying to make it simple. A large bolt releases the top of the filter can and the replacement filter drops right in. OK, you have to suck the old oil out with a turkey baster or remove the lines, loosen a bolt, lift off the canister, and pour out the old oil. But there is no mystery to the process. Talk about simplicity. There is not a single wire that runs into either door of a 356. There are no power window switches, no power seat controls, no power door locks, no power mirrors, and no door speakers, and not even a heater to warm the door locks on a cold winter day. The next time you open the door on your daily driver look into the area where the door hinges are mounted. There's a wiring harness as thick as your wrist that carries more cable that an entire 356. Even the door panel on a 356 is simple. Ten screws hold it on along with two pins about the size of a nail to hold the door handle and window crank in place. Ever wonder how a modern door panel is held in place? I have to admit that I have absolutely no idea. Like they say in the Army it must be "PFM". May you never have to take one off. The clips are all hidden and are "one time use". That means that they all break when you attempt to remove the panel and these little devils are not on the shelf at the local Auto Zone. The other problem is that the pieces go flying when they break and it's hard to identify them when you don't have the whole thing. It's never a problem to identify the size and type of a screw even if it falls on the ground or inside the door itself. If you drop a clip inside the door of your 2001 Zoommobile don't even bother to get out the dentist mirror to look for it. It will let you know it's there every time you turn left but you'll never see it again. Another area of needless complication in modern cars is lighting. I know that the new headlight systems are a major improvement over the old days of sealed beams but do they have to be so complicated? Until recently any 12 volt headlight would fit any car made. Even 6-volt units were on the shelf anywhere. I would certainly agree that they weren't that far removed from an early kerosene lamp but they did have a kind of warm glow about them. Besides you really shouldn't drive that fast at night anyway. Just think about all the deer and furry animals that are out there looking for dinner. Now with the blue shafts of light thrown out the front of a car like a Flash Gordon Spaceship we think we can see forever. One manufacture has even hooked the lights to the steering system so that they'll turn when you turn. Shades of a Tucker. I can only imagine how many departments were involved in that project. I'm quite sure that when those units start failing we'll find that each manufacture has their own design that is not compatible with anyone else's design. Needless complication. Even the little bayonet type bulbs used for stop and turn signals are going away. Now that LED lights are all the rage there are probably stickers in the trunk saying that there's nothing serviceable in the unit and replacement should not be attempted at home. With a 356 it's just a couple of screws and there's the bulb waiting to be plucked out. The front turn signal covers on the later 356 C models just require a 1/4 turn to expose the bulb, even easier. That was progress 40 years ago. Progress today is in a whole different direction. I guess that why I keep that old tub out there, it's just so simple. Simple enough for me to keep up with. KTF |
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