Copyright © 1998

Porsche Club of America Hysterical Rambings September, 1998 Howard Wasserman HWasser@ix.netcom.com

Ramblings
Crashing A Funeral
A man from Bloomfield, New Jersey, carjacked a van and led police on a chase through an area called West Orange in the neighborhood of Our Lady of the Valley Roman Catholic Church.  According to newspaper reports, the suspect was captured after hitting two unmarked police cars driving slowly down the street leading a 5,000-officer procession for a fallen state trooper.

Where’s Your Ticket Stub?
In Singapore, a 49-year-old man has been sentenced to three months in jail for assaulting a 37-year-old man at a popular lover’s lane, according to the North Shore News, a Canadian newspaper.  Apparently, the men, who both admitted to being peeping toms, fought over control of the choicest spot to watch a couple making out in a car.

Image Is Everything
Police in Santiago, Chile, are known to stop about 45 drivers per week for dangerous driving while talking on cellular phones.  Nothing odd about this, you say?  Perhaps, but a third of these culprits are found to be using fake phones made of wood and plastic.  It seems that having a cell phone is a status symbol, even for those who can’t afford them.

Stupid Criminals, Part 1
A woman who reported her car stolen informed a police officer that there was a cellular telephone inside.  The officer called the number and told the man who answered that he had read a for-sale ad about the stolen car and wanted to buy it.  They arranged to meet; the thief showed up and was arrested.

Stupid Criminals, Part 2
A burglar in New Jersey stuck a piece of paper in the lock at an office building so he could return later to rob it.  However, he was tracked down after police found the paper, which was a parking ticket complete with the man’s name and address.

Lucky He Wasn’t Going Cross-Country
A thief in Chicago jumped into an empty van and drove off without realizing that its owner was sitting on the roof.  The owner managed to hang onto the top of the van during a ride on the Interstate at speeds in excess of 65 mph.  When the thief pulled over and stepped out of the car, the owner jumped on him and held him down until police arrive.

Get A Life, Harley
A Wenatchee, Wash., locksmith sued the city fathers because the police there help motorists who’ve inadvertently locked themselves out of their cars.  Locksmith Harley Hudson filed a $250,000 suit, saying the police are making an “unconstitutional gift of public funds,” according to Funny Times via the Nutz & Boltz newsletter.

Tax Dollars Not At Work
An abandoned 1974 Dodge Dart spent 10 years abandoned by the side of U.S. Highway 68 near Wilmore, KY, while the state government and county government feuded over who was responsible for maintaining the area.  Only recently was it hauled off to the Jessamine county dump, N&B reports.

Marginally Useful Trivia
The Louisiana legislature passed a bill, with only two dissenting votes, allowing motorists to shoot and kill carjackers, but only if the motorists are still inside their cars when they open fire.

Joke Of The Month
An old favorite attributed to George Carlin:  “Why is that everyone driving slower than you is an idiot … and everyone driving faster is a maniac?”
 
                                                                September's Contest
You’ve heard of John Henry, the pile drivin’ man of folk song legend. Perhaps you even recall John Henry, the outstanding thoroughbred. But what about John Henry Holder? For 50 points, what feat was John Henry Holder the first to perform?